Don't Judge Me!

In my profession, I see and witness a lot. Perhaps it’s tainted my view somewhat on the human race. Not a day goes by without me finding out how yet another employee has figured out another way to “cheat the system”, leaving me to determine whether or not it’s serious enough to terminate their employment. Nine times out of ten, it is.

Now being in HR for over 19 years, I can look back and see how much I’ve changed. I would take every termination to heart. I would fight back the tears and shaky voice and actually apologize as I fired them. Those were the days when I was non-judgmental. I was naive to the fact that there are people out their who don’t think twice or loose any sleep as they carry out their deceitful ways and worse yet, show others how to get away with it. I still to this day believe that our Staffing department recruits from Lou Sterrig Jail as they release criminals. That’s another story in itself. Yes, in the beginning I would come home in tears and be greeted by D and he would patiently listen as I babbled on and on about how business is so cruel and how many people I had to fire that day.

Eventually, as I saw so many things and shown time and time again how people put themselves into bad situations and expect to get off with a warning, I became more unattached; more “cold”. Sure I would listen to them, with a blank look of “yea right, tell me something that I haven’t heard yet, entertain me”, but in the end, they were sent back to their desk with a box and ask to leave without making a scene. As time went on, I began to treat employee relations issues in the same way. Everyone became guilty until proven innocent. I slowly became very cynical about those who work with me or that I supported.

It wasn’t until recently that I got a reminder of why I’m still in HR after all of these years. Yea, I bitch about it a lot. Yea, I see a lot of dishonesty happening and me being the bad guy telling people to stop it and play nice or else, but it wasn’t until I met Latavia that I realized what I had become. I let myself become that horrible HR Bitch that everyone hates to see walking their way.

I got a call from a manager who literally had my specialist pull me out of my meeting to give me a "911" message. "Quick" she says to me, "you gotta call the manager right now. Lativia is coming down and SHE IS PISSED!" I'm thinking to myself this building probably has at least a dozen Latavia's that want to bitch me out, have her take a number and stand in line, but, I was bored in the meeting and thought ok, I haven't had my fill of employees whining and complaining about something or the other, what the hell. I calmly call the manager and she's in a full fledged panic. "This better be good, you pulled me out of a meeting." The manger explained to me that Latavia was pissed off because the mgr told her that the death of the best friend of her baby's daddy did not qualify for family bereavement. As cold as it may be, our company doesn't give out paid bereavement unless it's an immediate family member. It's amazing how many people have 12 sets of grandparents that die every year. Weird. Anyway, no sooner did I hang up the phone I could hear the commotion upfront. "I need to speak with my HR rep! I need to speak with her right now. Don't tell me that she's not available, I demand to speak with my HR Rep now!"

I'm thinking to myself "great, here's another damn the man and angry at the world person that I have to deal with today. I hate this shit." I took a deep breath and headed out to meet Latavia. "You!" she points at me. "I need to see you right now!" "Latavia, I need for you to lower your voice and calm down and I will be more that happy to stop what I'm doing to speak with you." I said. "Fine!" said Latavia. "But I'm upset and I want to file a complaint!" I'm thinking to myself yeah, well take a number bitch, you and half of this business feel the same way, what makes you so special? Do I say this, of course not. I take my passive aggressive self and led her into a conference room. As I close the door, Latavia sits down and before I could say "Tell me what happened?" Lavtavia bursts into tears. Not the sobbing can't breath tears, but genuine grief tears. Her first words to me were "Please don't judge me. I really need this time off, please." I explained the policy again and what is meant in layman's terms. Latavia looked up and again said, "please, I've got so much happening. My fiance' is catatonic from the loss of his best friend, I'm pregnant with his child and I don't have enough money to pay the rent this month and will probably get evicted. I understand the policy, but please, I know what you're thinking, but I'm not like the others. Please don't judge me, I need help."

Wow! What a bomb she dropped on me. Congrats Latavia, you just cracked the shell. I looked at her and I don't know why, but I started to blink back the tears that are starting to swell up in my eyes. I said, "Ok Latavia, talk to me. This isn't about getting paid bereavement time is it?" Slowly she shook her head no. Lataiva explained how she's had some rough time, but over the last 2 years she's cleaned up her life. She's never been a "problem employee" in fact, she's worked her way up to team lead in the short time she's been working for us. I listened and she spoke, pouring out her heart and swallowing her pride and telling me how she's gone from nothing to a little something, and now that too is slipping away.

Truth is, I did judge her when she walked in and my judgment was way off to mark. All Latavia really needed was for someone to show her a little compassion and listen to her, which to no surprise, she didn't get from her manager. It was quiet for a moment and I said "Latavia, tell you what, I promise not to judge you if you do the same of me. Deal?" Latavia looked up and tried to smile. I explained that I don't make the rules, I just interpret what they mean. I can't make exceptions to policy, but I can see if we can creatively figure out how we can work together and maybe meet in the middle somewhere.

I made a few calls, yelled at her manager and taaadaaaaa, got her 3 days off so she could attend the funeral and help her fiance' and herself through a tough time. Latavia thanked me and as we were walking out the door, she turned around, hugged me and said "You know, you're not what I expected. You really are nice. I promise not to judge you." To which I replied, "Me too!"

Yesterday, I made it back to the home of the thigh high red leather boot gal office and as I pass our office secretary, she holds up some mail and said someone stopped by and dropped this off. I get back to my desk, pull up email and finally near the end of the day, I look over and saw the mail I didn't open yet. I open up the 1st piece and it's a card.

"Dear Ms. Judy,
Thank you for taking time to listen to me. Your compassion has given me hope that not everyone is cold hearted at the office. I'm glad that you stopped and listened to me. It has made all the difference on my outlook on things.

Your non-judgemental FRIEND,

Latavia"

That my friends is what being in HR is all about. That is why I do what I do. It took a very unfortunate situation of someone to remind me not to be cold and detached or iron hearted. That 30 minute conversation with Latavia did me more good than it could have ever done for her. She reaffirmed that all people really want is to be heard and feel some respect and compassion. Just a little of that will go a long way.