I can so relate to this!

BEWARE! Dark Clouds Follow Me!

Today was the day I've been dreading. Perhaps it's because I was so hopeful that I wouldn't have to experience it again. Perhaps I was living in a world and viewing it with rose colored glasses, maybe I'm just in denial. Regardless, I look on my calendar and there it is. Bright red. MANDATORY RESTRUCTURING CALL - MUST ATTEND - DO NOT SEND A DELEGATE IN YOUR PLACE... Awwwwww crap. No, not again. They promised me that I wouldn't have to deal with this shit for at least 6 months and that there was nothing on the radar with any of the groups that I've been reassigned to.

They lied. My heart just about sank and broke into two. Hearing the news and how many that could potentially be impacted is big. Here's the clencher. The conversation goes like this:

Call Leader - AKA - Boss Lady: Judy? Oh good. We're so glad that you were able to rearrange your scheduled to make this call this afternoon.

Me: Sure, I'm glad that it worked out for all of us to attend this. What's up?

Boss Lady: Well, Judy, we need your assistance and expertise.

Me: Ha, I'm a jack of all trades. I'll pitch in where ever I can. You know that.

Boss Lady: Exactly. I want to give you a stretch role assignment . . .

Oh shit, please no, this can't be good. Can I just start barfing now and maybe they're stop talking and I can avoid them for the next few weeks....

Boss Lady: I'm sure we don't need to enlighten you on how our business is under extrordinary times. Times in which we've never seen before. We've been talking and it's apparent that were are going to need to do a re-evaluation of staff...

Oh shit shit shit! It's me, they're fucking laying me off....

Me: Yes, I'm aware that it will be a continual exercise in which each business function will review it's span of control on a quarterly basis so that the company doesn't face over staffing situations again.

Boss Lady: That's right. We'd like to offer you an opportunity.

Me: What sort of opportunity?

Boss Lady: Well, we'd like for you to be a project lead and complete a span of control analysis, resources analysis, skills review and legal review as well as administer and plan out any job impacted employee discussions.

Me: What? You're kidding right? I've never been that involved in the process like that. I've always been part of the last half and having to deliver the bad news to employees.

Boss Lady: Yes, that's true, but Sr. Leadership feels that you've done exceptionally well and are confident that you are the right person for this assignment after all it pertains to one your your groups.

Me: What group?

Boss Lady: your CMI group. This will mean you potentially could have approximately 200 more impacts.

Me: No, you're kidding right? I'm really not comfortable with this. I really am flattered that you are considering me for this, but I don't think that I can take this on. This is a huge undertaking.

Boss Lady: This is a developmental opportunity for you Judy, I strongly encourage you to embrace this opportunity. I'm confident that you will be successful with this project.

Me: I'm not so confident. What if I screw up or miscalculate something. This involves peoples livelihoods. This is huge!

Boss Lady: I'm glad to hear that you recognize the importance of making sure you have complete and accurate data. Screwing this up is really not an option so it's imparitive that your information is complete, thorough and most importantly accurate.

For a minute there is just silence. I'm trying to absorb the shit bomb that was just thrown my way and thinking of all those people. Oh god, I'm such a shitty person. This so sucks.

Boss Lady: You're going to do fine. Reach out to any resources you might need. We need for this to be calculated, analyzed so that it be presented to the Senior Officers and to the legal review committee by the end of the month.

I just have a sour feeling in my stomach. I just want to throw up. I'm so pissed and angry that I'm having to do this. It's not that I can't do the work. I know that I can figure it out, I know that I'm capable to doing this, the point is that I emotionally don't think that I can go through this again. It seems that each time I get to know and befriend my client groups, I have to lay them off.

Me: Wait, what? By the end of this month? You're kidding right? I honestly don't think I can pull this off. You're asking me to pull off a miracle. I'm fresh out of those.

Boss Lady: Humor. This is good, you're going to need a lot of that to get you through this process. Let me know if you need help with regard to any resources.

me: Yeah, sure, thanks.

Boss Lady: I'm confident that you will do well. We can not afford for you not to. I'll see you on Friday.

I'm in shock, I thinking just shoot me now!!!! Please God, just let a gun appear in my hand and let it just go off.

I feel terrible that I'm having to do this. Each one of those employees has a story. I may not be able to relate to many of their lifestyles, but I'm not there to judge them on that. As long as they do a good job in servicing the customers and show up to work, I'm thrilled. I'm thinking of all the families that this is going to cause stress and hardship. I'm thinking of all the stress this will put on people, including myself.

Right now, I'm beside myself. I just want to crawl into bed with that groundhog dude and not come out for another 5 weeks. I just want to hide from all of this. Then I look at my family and those 4 wonderful people that look back at me and smile and give me hugs. The two baby tots that scream with excitement for me just walking into the room. The 11 yo tater tot that comes up and says mom, looks like you need a hug. Can I give you one?

And of course there's Darren. He just smiles at me and hands me my drink and says everything is going to be ok. We'll get through this. Darren is right. We'll get through this, I'm just now sure how many more cuts and bruises I'm going to be able to endure before I totally loose it.

Hey, what does kill ya makes you stronger right?

Pickles

Back in November 08, my HR Director had this brilliant idea of gathering all of the HRG’s and HR Specialists in the DFW area and centralize us all in one building, one floor, ONE ROOM. Sounds great in theory, but not so great for those of us that deal with a lot of confidential crap, like investigations, employees bitching, compensation issues ect. Not to mention all of the conference calls that we’re on to determine who will get laid off and who won’t.

In my humble opinion, all HRG’s should have offices, however, no one asked for my opinion so I’ll eventually get over that pain with the help of appletini’s and from my therapist. Moving us all together caused a major train wreck within our department. All of the HRG’s, including myself, were bitter about having to move from our nice big offices with windows to this tiny 7 x 7 cubicle. All of the HR specialists were pissed because they couldn’t avoid our calls any longer when we needed them to fix payroll issues.

I guess it’s not as bad for me as it is for others. At least now I have to support groups in different office buildings and the business leaders in those groups INSISTED that HR have an office, so of the 3 businesses I support, I’ve got a nice big office at 2 different buildings. So what do I have to bitch about? Well, my boss lady INSISTS that I spend at least one day in the office being subjected to the chaos and madness there. In addition, if needed, I will need to ensure that my schedule is flexible in which I can attend functional meetings there in person and still maintain the “peer relationships” that are crucial to being successful. WHATEVER! So, I’ve managed to convince my manager that I will spend a TOTAL of one day there. Even though it’s only for ½ a day on two different days, that’s a hell of a lot better then having to be there an entire day. Usually once you get sucked into the drama of that office and you can’t escape from it and often that’s the case for me.

As you might already know, I’m an only child and I’m rather picky about things. Just ask Darren and my therapist. I don’t share well and I don’t like people invading my space. (Unless I know you and than it’s ok) When we moved into our new “cubes” I was escorted to my new home and introduced to my cube mate “Deonica”. The admin explained that Deonica was working in HR on a contract basis to assist the specialists with a project. WHATEVER! I’m not the most social person, especially if I don’t know you at all, so I go about my business and start figuring out how I’m going to stuff 8 crates of files, information, and training manuals that I’ve accumulated for 5 years in my 2 dinky file drawers. Little did I realize Deonica had “issues”. She liked to talk on her cell phone… a lot. She liked to talk on her desk phone. . . A lot. She liked to visit with her other contractor friends… a lot. She liked to bring snacks to work . . . A LOT. She had a fondness of pickles in particular. Now, pickles don’t necessary offend me, however, please note that smelling pickles ALL DAY will get on my nerves. This, in combination of her taking off her shoes in the late afternoon gave me some angst! Every time I came into the department, it REAKED of pickles and stinky feet. Now, I’m thinking ok, she’s pregnant, give her a break. But there comes a time, whether someone is pregnant or not, you draw the line. I got tired of listening to Deonica A.K.A. “Pickles” discussing with her pals whether “Luscious” would be a good name for her baby. I didn’t particularly care for her conversation about how her project apartment was much better then her baby’s daddy’s project apartment. I didn’t enjoy her yelling at the other person she was speaking to on her phone why there was only “.38 cents left in her bank account.” I could go on and on, and I did on Twitter. But eventually, not only did my patience wear thin; patience with her wore thin with everyone else in the department as well.

It wasn’t until I came back to my office after being away for a few days and find my desk in shambles, everything rearranged, and a spilled coke all over my desk thus ruining my pictures of my beloved tater tot’s did I declared war! Common cube courtesy is NOT to assume that my stuff is your stuff, and that my space is there for you to rearrange, mess up and ruin someone else’s belongings…ESPECIALLY MINE!

I was pissed beyond belief and she just sat there acting like I was being rude for expressing my opinion of the rude people who sat at my desk and didn’t have the courtesy to leave it as they found it! So after cleaning up my desk because her rude pals decided to party on it, I noticed that she had her radio on a rap station. Hmmmm. So, I break out the iPod and I find some Barry Manilow and play it loudly on my iPod speakers. I continue with the audio assaults with some Neil Diamond and Olivia Newton-John as well. Soon the department formed and alliance and most everyone was in on it. The HRG that sat around the corner came up to me and said “I’m gonna top your audio assault. Watch this.” Pickles was away from her desk and my alliance partner places an air freshener right next to her open pickle jar! Others started jumping in with candles and air freshener sprays. I could tell we were getting to her because she would start leaving for “breaks” and lunches. Finally one day, Pickles stop showing up. Found out later that baby “Luscious” arrived and she was out. HOOOOORAAAAAY! It took two weeks just to air out the department and get it smelling normal again.

It wasn’t until Wednesday, that I realize how fast 6 weeks go by. I walk into the department. *sniff sniff* What’s that smell? Oh shit, Pickles! I start thinking to myself that I’m not gonna get through this day without some major doses of “fuckitall” today. Maybe this is just a bad acid trip or I’m having a nightmare. I’m slowly walking down the aisle towards my cube and out comes my former alliance partner. “Oh HELL no. She is NOT gonna sit by us!” she whispers. I whisper back “Who in the HELL asked her to come back? I thought she was a contractor and went off to have her baby?” Alliance partner responds with “Oh shit, damn it, no way. She’s not gonna be my specialist” I whisper back, “well I sure as hell don’t want her much less share a cube with the bitch!” I slowly continue my walk down the aisle and there she is and there are those fucking pickles. So here’s the conversation:

Pickles: “Hey Girlfriend!”
Me: “ummmm, hi”
Pickles: betcha thought you’d neva git to see me no mo huh?
Me: “ummmm, yea. I thought you left to have your baby. I think the project that you were working is complete now.”
Pickles: “sho is girlfriend, now they got me working on another project. Can you believe that shit?”
Me: “ummmm, no, I can’t”

So, pickles is back in my life, making everything stink like pickles and stinky feet and I’m having to deal with all the annoying things that pickles dishes out. I’m grateful I only have to see her once or twice a week. I'm not looking forward to going into the office tomorrow for fear of what's been done to/on my desk and the smell of pickles. I pray that I won't get stuck there for the entire day and I pray that her project gets completed quickly. I’m not sure how long I can hold my mouth shut and say something extremely inappropriate. Wish me luck, I’m gonna need it.

Pulling Rank

If you follow me on Twitter, then you probably already know I vent. I vent A LOT. If I were to tell you that my employer turns perfectly well adjusted people into mean spirited, bitter people, I don't think many people would disagree with me. This workplace will eat you up alive, then spit you out. If you don't keep up with all changes in practices, philosophies or policies of the moment, you're doomed. I can handle change well. It's when people try to manipulate the changes to suit their own managerial needs that I have issues with them.

Right now we're going through our Non-Exempt performance reviews. About 75% of the workforce that I support fall in this category. For the most part, managers value HR opinions and suggestions. Hell, I've got some managers that refuse to make any decision unless they consult the "HR Wizard behind the curtain".

Today I was stuck in conference call hell. I swear I was going through the Ground Hog day movie experience and kept reliving the same situations and conversations with each conference call I got on. Well, by the last call today, I had reached my limit of me preaching "Management should be conservative and make sure we meet our ranking percentage distribution model."

That's where Carlos comes into play. Carlos is one of my Unit Managers. He's your traditional short Mexican with the "don't tell me what to do because I know it all" kind of guy. I can say this because I am Mexican! Anyway, Carlos picked the wrong day to start in with me. Carlos has a tendency to challenge anything that he doesn't support. This is good, but now a days at my company, it's not the attitude to have.

So the conversation on the conference call goes like this:

Carlos: I'm not buying into why we need to be conservative and meet ranking percentages as HR says.

DEAD SILENCE

Me: Excuse me, Carlos, I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, can you please repeat that?

Carlos: I said Ms. Reeves....

Operations Manager cuts him off - this is Carlos' boss: Carlos, I don't think Judy is here to tell us what to do, she's here to help guide us and clarify what is supposed to be considered when we're reviewing and evaluating staff rankings. She's not....

Carlos: cutting off his boss: Yea, well I know and have had my experiences with HR and I know my staff better than Ms Reeves ever will, so she should have no say or recommendation as to my staff rankings.

AGAIN, DEAD SILENCE.

Me: So Carlos, just so that I'm clear as to what you are saying, because you are far more Superior than anyone in HR could ever aspire to be, you will not listen to any input or suggestions that I might have for you. Is that correct?

Carlos: Yes, now If I may . . .

Me: No Carlos, you may not!

Carlos continues to talk over me and basically tells the group that his staff ratings will not be changing no matter what anyone else says. He continues on by saying that he will not sacrifice any of his ratings because his team is nothing but winners and a reflection of him.

OM: So Carlos, please enlighten us on your ratings and to why they are on a higher pedestal than the rest of their peers.

Carlos: Basically it's like this, I have worked hard with each member of my team so that they are all performing on an exceptional level of competency.

Me: Really? You really think that no one on your staff has an attendance problem? You truly believe no one on your team has ever had a single quality error for the entire year. You're telling me that you have never been in my office wanting to fire someone because they just weren't working out?

Carlos: Ms. Reeves. Please stick with your HR knowledge when asked for it. I'm presenting facts, not the fantasy utopia of HR.

This is where I completely loose it!!!!

Me: Tell you what Carlos I appreciate you clearly stating your moronic statement in front of your manager and your peers and I can assure you that I will take your concern and opinion of HR to your Director to discuss this matter further with him.

OM: Carlos, I don't think you want to alienate our HR partner in this. She's been very insightful and I insist that you at least do her the courtesy of hearing her out.

Carlos: My ratings speak for themselves. I will not be changing any of them.

Carlos proceeded to challenge me on each and every staff rating I questioned. I gave his absenteeism ratings, I gave them previous assessment ratings and I even let him know that his perfect team members have come to me expressing their concern of his management practices and favoritism. Carlos, would not budge.

Finally I had to go there.

Me: Look Carlos, if you really want to play this game, we will. You are being disrespectful, insubordinate and resistant to everything I have to say. You need not listen to me, but at the end of the day, your ratings are submitted to me and guess what, they're changing! They're changing to what falls with in guidelines and ultimately, I will determine what the appropriate ratings will be.

Carlos: You can't do that!

OM: Watch her Carlos. She can, she will and she has both the Director's and my full support in this matter!

What an asshole Carlos made himself out to be. I hate having to pull the rank on people. It's just not my style. In fact, this is the first time I actually pulled rank on anyone so I'm quite proud of myself for doing it. I'm just pissed that I let some jerk get to me to a point where I stooped as low as he did and fought back. Oh well. I got the final say in it.

So Carlos, stick that in your juice box and suck it. Suck it hard Trebec! You're next on my hit list in finding a reason to fire you!

Don't Judge Me!

In my profession, I see and witness a lot. Perhaps it’s tainted my view somewhat on the human race. Not a day goes by without me finding out how yet another employee has figured out another way to “cheat the system”, leaving me to determine whether or not it’s serious enough to terminate their employment. Nine times out of ten, it is.

Now being in HR for over 19 years, I can look back and see how much I’ve changed. I would take every termination to heart. I would fight back the tears and shaky voice and actually apologize as I fired them. Those were the days when I was non-judgmental. I was naive to the fact that there are people out their who don’t think twice or loose any sleep as they carry out their deceitful ways and worse yet, show others how to get away with it. I still to this day believe that our Staffing department recruits from Lou Sterrig Jail as they release criminals. That’s another story in itself. Yes, in the beginning I would come home in tears and be greeted by D and he would patiently listen as I babbled on and on about how business is so cruel and how many people I had to fire that day.

Eventually, as I saw so many things and shown time and time again how people put themselves into bad situations and expect to get off with a warning, I became more unattached; more “cold”. Sure I would listen to them, with a blank look of “yea right, tell me something that I haven’t heard yet, entertain me”, but in the end, they were sent back to their desk with a box and ask to leave without making a scene. As time went on, I began to treat employee relations issues in the same way. Everyone became guilty until proven innocent. I slowly became very cynical about those who work with me or that I supported.

It wasn’t until recently that I got a reminder of why I’m still in HR after all of these years. Yea, I bitch about it a lot. Yea, I see a lot of dishonesty happening and me being the bad guy telling people to stop it and play nice or else, but it wasn’t until I met Latavia that I realized what I had become. I let myself become that horrible HR Bitch that everyone hates to see walking their way.

I got a call from a manager who literally had my specialist pull me out of my meeting to give me a "911" message. "Quick" she says to me, "you gotta call the manager right now. Lativia is coming down and SHE IS PISSED!" I'm thinking to myself this building probably has at least a dozen Latavia's that want to bitch me out, have her take a number and stand in line, but, I was bored in the meeting and thought ok, I haven't had my fill of employees whining and complaining about something or the other, what the hell. I calmly call the manager and she's in a full fledged panic. "This better be good, you pulled me out of a meeting." The manger explained to me that Latavia was pissed off because the mgr told her that the death of the best friend of her baby's daddy did not qualify for family bereavement. As cold as it may be, our company doesn't give out paid bereavement unless it's an immediate family member. It's amazing how many people have 12 sets of grandparents that die every year. Weird. Anyway, no sooner did I hang up the phone I could hear the commotion upfront. "I need to speak with my HR rep! I need to speak with her right now. Don't tell me that she's not available, I demand to speak with my HR Rep now!"

I'm thinking to myself "great, here's another damn the man and angry at the world person that I have to deal with today. I hate this shit." I took a deep breath and headed out to meet Latavia. "You!" she points at me. "I need to see you right now!" "Latavia, I need for you to lower your voice and calm down and I will be more that happy to stop what I'm doing to speak with you." I said. "Fine!" said Latavia. "But I'm upset and I want to file a complaint!" I'm thinking to myself yeah, well take a number bitch, you and half of this business feel the same way, what makes you so special? Do I say this, of course not. I take my passive aggressive self and led her into a conference room. As I close the door, Latavia sits down and before I could say "Tell me what happened?" Lavtavia bursts into tears. Not the sobbing can't breath tears, but genuine grief tears. Her first words to me were "Please don't judge me. I really need this time off, please." I explained the policy again and what is meant in layman's terms. Latavia looked up and again said, "please, I've got so much happening. My fiance' is catatonic from the loss of his best friend, I'm pregnant with his child and I don't have enough money to pay the rent this month and will probably get evicted. I understand the policy, but please, I know what you're thinking, but I'm not like the others. Please don't judge me, I need help."

Wow! What a bomb she dropped on me. Congrats Latavia, you just cracked the shell. I looked at her and I don't know why, but I started to blink back the tears that are starting to swell up in my eyes. I said, "Ok Latavia, talk to me. This isn't about getting paid bereavement time is it?" Slowly she shook her head no. Lataiva explained how she's had some rough time, but over the last 2 years she's cleaned up her life. She's never been a "problem employee" in fact, she's worked her way up to team lead in the short time she's been working for us. I listened and she spoke, pouring out her heart and swallowing her pride and telling me how she's gone from nothing to a little something, and now that too is slipping away.

Truth is, I did judge her when she walked in and my judgment was way off to mark. All Latavia really needed was for someone to show her a little compassion and listen to her, which to no surprise, she didn't get from her manager. It was quiet for a moment and I said "Latavia, tell you what, I promise not to judge you if you do the same of me. Deal?" Latavia looked up and tried to smile. I explained that I don't make the rules, I just interpret what they mean. I can't make exceptions to policy, but I can see if we can creatively figure out how we can work together and maybe meet in the middle somewhere.

I made a few calls, yelled at her manager and taaadaaaaa, got her 3 days off so she could attend the funeral and help her fiance' and herself through a tough time. Latavia thanked me and as we were walking out the door, she turned around, hugged me and said "You know, you're not what I expected. You really are nice. I promise not to judge you." To which I replied, "Me too!"

Yesterday, I made it back to the home of the thigh high red leather boot gal office and as I pass our office secretary, she holds up some mail and said someone stopped by and dropped this off. I get back to my desk, pull up email and finally near the end of the day, I look over and saw the mail I didn't open yet. I open up the 1st piece and it's a card.

"Dear Ms. Judy,
Thank you for taking time to listen to me. Your compassion has given me hope that not everyone is cold hearted at the office. I'm glad that you stopped and listened to me. It has made all the difference on my outlook on things.

Your non-judgemental FRIEND,

Latavia"

That my friends is what being in HR is all about. That is why I do what I do. It took a very unfortunate situation of someone to remind me not to be cold and detached or iron hearted. That 30 minute conversation with Latavia did me more good than it could have ever done for her. She reaffirmed that all people really want is to be heard and feel some respect and compassion. Just a little of that will go a long way.