Just Another Typical Day (Part 1)

Just your typical day right? Wrong! There is nothing right about having to be a bachelorette with a tweener and twin toddlers. I must have been hit with temporary insanity when Darren asked if I would mind him going up to Deer Camp with our next door neighbor to help build a bridge over the creek. "Sure, go ahead, have fun!" This said as my tweener was in a PSIA competition, I'm stretched out in a cafeteria table reading a book. (yea, his timing is perfect right?) This said as my tornado twins are causing havoc at my parents house. "Sure, go ahead and have fun!" What a freakin' idiot I am.

Don't get me wrong. Darren deserves to get away. I want him to go and enjoy things he likes to do. I by no means want to be that "ball and chain". I'm so grateful that he even considers to ask me before he plans to go out and do things. That's one of the millions of things I love about him. However, back to me and my insanity....

So it doesn't exactly sink in as to what I agreed upon until after I finally get home at 7:30 pm on a Friday might with a hyped up tweener, and twin toddlers that are about to go postal on me if I don't hurry up and get them in their jammies and in bed.

I look around, and the house is quiet...very quiet. I look around some more and there are mounds of laundry...gasp. A little more looking uncovers dishes piled in the sink...eeek! While looking for food, I realize we have slim pickin's and desperation sets in at this point. The tweener and I settle on feasting on easy mac for dinner.

Tweener: "So Mom, are you sure you don't want me to stay with Grandma and Grandpa?"
Me: "Yes, I'm sure. We can do this."
Tweener: "Exactly what do you mean by WE?"
Me: "You, Me and the twins will survive."
Tweener: "Whatever, survival requires food we don't have any good food."

Right. Point taken. So the pantry is a little bare. And, yes, after cleaning out the fridge, there isn't much left in there either. So, I have this brainiac of an idea that I'll show Darren. Not only will I survive this, but I will have the house clean, laundry and dishes done, babies clean and pantry and fridge full with food. Hell, I'll even pick up his suit AND get the car washed and stop at the liquor store. Yea, that will show HIM! Have I mentioned that I'm just slightly INSANE!

So here we are, Saturday morning and the tweener states the obvious.

Tweener: "We don't have any waffles."
Me: "Well, have some cereal then."
Tweener: "We don't have any of that either, you just gave the rest to the twins."
Me: "Well, get some muffins."
Tweener: "Mom, you gave those to the twins last night."
Me: "Well, shit on a stick!"

Ok, I can do this. Just like the little engine that could, that is going to be my mantra for the day. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. So as the twins tear up the house and run around crazy and screaming like banshees, I map out the master plan. I take a look at it and think, it's doable. I can do this!

So, I slam down my reheated by the microwave left over coffee from the day before and tell the tweener, pack it up, we're heading out.

Tweener: "Mom, are you sure about this? Tell me again why we can't just go to grandma's and grandpa's?"
Me: "Shut up and get you brother in the car." "We can do this damn it!"

I swear I hear him mumble something on the lines of "you're freaking crazy", but I can't be 100% sure at this point. My euphoria of me actually attempting to get all this stuff done is overwhelming at this point and I'm telling myself "You can do this."

So what happens next? Tune in next time for the adventures of a mad women.

Neighborhood Squirrels - Posted just for Darren

Sugar and Spice and Everything.....

What are little girls made of? Well, sugar and spice and everything nice.....but NOT my little girl. Tater Tot #3, who is literally the baby of this family by two minutes, is a reincarnation of my Grandma Medina.

Grandma Medina was a 4 foot 9 inch "tell it as she sees it" type of woman. She survived many hardships in life and was a woman way ahead of her time. She out lived the Great Depression, two husbands, and unfortunately a few of her children, but I was lucky enough to spend a majority of my youth and some of my teenage years with her. She was a very amazing woman.

Anyway, our little Emma Elizabeth is quite the character. She's spiteful, holds grudges, she's manipulative, and as soon as she's able to put words and sentences together, lord only knows how creative she will be with the English language. She will be the reason why Darren and I will worry at 11:00 pm wondering where she is on a Saturday night. She will be the reason why Darren will be breaking out his rifle to "clean it".
Yes, our Emma is our little Diva and she expects EVERYONE to acknowledge her as such. If you told me that there was a difference between little boys and little girls (besides the obvious) I would have rolled my eyes and the psychology major in me would come out and say "Oh, no it's not about nature, it's about nuturing and how you treat them." Let me be the first to say "BULL SHIT!" There is nothing and I repeat nothing the same about boys and girls. Tater Tot #3 is our over dramatic, Joan Crawford tempered, little foot stomping baby girl.



She is very much a girlie girl. She LOVES getting dressed in new outfits and will reach for anything that is sparkling. She is very much into the details of her outfit and is fascinated with shoes and coordinating hair bows and pacifiers. She loves purses and can not go without her Hello Kitty lip gloss. I will say that she must have obtained her fashion sense and style from the Reeves' side of the family. Mind you, these are not things that she has been taught by me. I'm a minimalist when it comes to makeup, other than my LV stuff, I'm not really big into purses or lip gloss. And for me, I'm more comfy in one of Darren's t-shirts and warm up pants with my hair up in a ponytail or clip. I have absolutely no idea where in the hell she's developed these traits.


Now, as for her personality, I will take full responsibility for this one. I admit, I over indulge her. I ask for her opinion if she wants to wear something, and if I get a "geeeeeesssssh" I know it meets with her approval. I let her play with my cell phone and even purchased a pink pretend one so she can act like mommy with her phone. I praise her "dancing" and "giggle" as she walks on her tip toes like she has high heels on. She is as stubborn as all get out. Just like me and my Grandma Medina. If you tell her "no" she will do it just out of spite to prove you wrong. If she doesn't like something or someone, it is very clear from the start and there is no doubt as to her displeasure in something. She is a little girl that KNOWS what she wants, and will GET what she wants WHEN she wants it. Yes, that sums me up. Now multiply that times 10 and you have the general idea of what Emma is like.


As poor Darren has stated, "now I know that pay backs are a bitch and they come back two fold. I'm truly sorry for all the shit I did as a kid to my bother, sister and parents. I now know what it was like to live you with you as a kid and I don't know how your parents did it." That's why they stopped at one dear. They stopped at perfection. Just like us. :)
Our baby factory has been permanently closed off and dead bolted shut. We had perfection with the first tater tot, took a risky gamble with tater tots 2 and 3. No more "little perfections" are in our plans. I just felt it was my responsibility to put out this public service announcement to forewarn people of what is on the loose in the world.

I can so relate to this!

BEWARE! Dark Clouds Follow Me!

Today was the day I've been dreading. Perhaps it's because I was so hopeful that I wouldn't have to experience it again. Perhaps I was living in a world and viewing it with rose colored glasses, maybe I'm just in denial. Regardless, I look on my calendar and there it is. Bright red. MANDATORY RESTRUCTURING CALL - MUST ATTEND - DO NOT SEND A DELEGATE IN YOUR PLACE... Awwwwww crap. No, not again. They promised me that I wouldn't have to deal with this shit for at least 6 months and that there was nothing on the radar with any of the groups that I've been reassigned to.

They lied. My heart just about sank and broke into two. Hearing the news and how many that could potentially be impacted is big. Here's the clencher. The conversation goes like this:

Call Leader - AKA - Boss Lady: Judy? Oh good. We're so glad that you were able to rearrange your scheduled to make this call this afternoon.

Me: Sure, I'm glad that it worked out for all of us to attend this. What's up?

Boss Lady: Well, Judy, we need your assistance and expertise.

Me: Ha, I'm a jack of all trades. I'll pitch in where ever I can. You know that.

Boss Lady: Exactly. I want to give you a stretch role assignment . . .

Oh shit, please no, this can't be good. Can I just start barfing now and maybe they're stop talking and I can avoid them for the next few weeks....

Boss Lady: I'm sure we don't need to enlighten you on how our business is under extrordinary times. Times in which we've never seen before. We've been talking and it's apparent that were are going to need to do a re-evaluation of staff...

Oh shit shit shit! It's me, they're fucking laying me off....

Me: Yes, I'm aware that it will be a continual exercise in which each business function will review it's span of control on a quarterly basis so that the company doesn't face over staffing situations again.

Boss Lady: That's right. We'd like to offer you an opportunity.

Me: What sort of opportunity?

Boss Lady: Well, we'd like for you to be a project lead and complete a span of control analysis, resources analysis, skills review and legal review as well as administer and plan out any job impacted employee discussions.

Me: What? You're kidding right? I've never been that involved in the process like that. I've always been part of the last half and having to deliver the bad news to employees.

Boss Lady: Yes, that's true, but Sr. Leadership feels that you've done exceptionally well and are confident that you are the right person for this assignment after all it pertains to one your your groups.

Me: What group?

Boss Lady: your CMI group. This will mean you potentially could have approximately 200 more impacts.

Me: No, you're kidding right? I'm really not comfortable with this. I really am flattered that you are considering me for this, but I don't think that I can take this on. This is a huge undertaking.

Boss Lady: This is a developmental opportunity for you Judy, I strongly encourage you to embrace this opportunity. I'm confident that you will be successful with this project.

Me: I'm not so confident. What if I screw up or miscalculate something. This involves peoples livelihoods. This is huge!

Boss Lady: I'm glad to hear that you recognize the importance of making sure you have complete and accurate data. Screwing this up is really not an option so it's imparitive that your information is complete, thorough and most importantly accurate.

For a minute there is just silence. I'm trying to absorb the shit bomb that was just thrown my way and thinking of all those people. Oh god, I'm such a shitty person. This so sucks.

Boss Lady: You're going to do fine. Reach out to any resources you might need. We need for this to be calculated, analyzed so that it be presented to the Senior Officers and to the legal review committee by the end of the month.

I just have a sour feeling in my stomach. I just want to throw up. I'm so pissed and angry that I'm having to do this. It's not that I can't do the work. I know that I can figure it out, I know that I'm capable to doing this, the point is that I emotionally don't think that I can go through this again. It seems that each time I get to know and befriend my client groups, I have to lay them off.

Me: Wait, what? By the end of this month? You're kidding right? I honestly don't think I can pull this off. You're asking me to pull off a miracle. I'm fresh out of those.

Boss Lady: Humor. This is good, you're going to need a lot of that to get you through this process. Let me know if you need help with regard to any resources.

me: Yeah, sure, thanks.

Boss Lady: I'm confident that you will do well. We can not afford for you not to. I'll see you on Friday.

I'm in shock, I thinking just shoot me now!!!! Please God, just let a gun appear in my hand and let it just go off.

I feel terrible that I'm having to do this. Each one of those employees has a story. I may not be able to relate to many of their lifestyles, but I'm not there to judge them on that. As long as they do a good job in servicing the customers and show up to work, I'm thrilled. I'm thinking of all the families that this is going to cause stress and hardship. I'm thinking of all the stress this will put on people, including myself.

Right now, I'm beside myself. I just want to crawl into bed with that groundhog dude and not come out for another 5 weeks. I just want to hide from all of this. Then I look at my family and those 4 wonderful people that look back at me and smile and give me hugs. The two baby tots that scream with excitement for me just walking into the room. The 11 yo tater tot that comes up and says mom, looks like you need a hug. Can I give you one?

And of course there's Darren. He just smiles at me and hands me my drink and says everything is going to be ok. We'll get through this. Darren is right. We'll get through this, I'm just now sure how many more cuts and bruises I'm going to be able to endure before I totally loose it.

Hey, what does kill ya makes you stronger right?

Reconnection and Suprises

What ever possessed Darren and I to plan our wedding so close to Valentine's Day I will never know. Call it temporary insanity, call it rushing because Darren finally decided to settle down or an opportunity of a lifetime trip,(all of which are true) but our timing could not have been worse.

Every year we face the same dilema; do we celebrate our anniversary on the actual date (February 12th) or wait and celebrate with everyone else who decides to take advantage of all the hoopla and chaos called Valentine's Day. It's always a toss up and sometimes pretty dicey if we don't plan ahead. After our 2nd wedding anniversary debacle, the rule is that if I'm not planning it, I still have the right to veto any choices that are made in my behalf. Me, being the planner that I am, started back in November by researching places we could eat at, fun events we could go to or trips we could take.

So it's not everyday one celebrates their 15th wedding anniversary. At least that was my logic as I planned out our "date". So as I'm researching, I come across this resort in Dallas called The Gaylord Texan Resort.

It took a little convincing, and a lot of tugging on the credit card before Darren finally agreed to the plan. Side bar note: Major kudos to Darren who rolled with punches and didn't complain one bit. At first, Darren did voiced some concern of the things I had planned out for us, but later thought it cool after all was said and done. This place was amazing. The restaurants were fantastic and rooms were nice a big. Upon our arrival, we had flowers and champagne knocking at our door.



We took advantage of everything that came with the package. The meals, the spa, the shopping just enjoying time with each other and finally reconnecting again.



Needless to say that once the twin tots arrived, Darren and I are always on the run. I wouldn't change anything about being blessed with three terrific tater tots, but after a while, even though you're together, you're not really connected or in sync with each other. When we do get the rare opportunity to escape, just the two of us, and especially when the kids are safe and sound spending the night with the grandfolks, it really is a special treat.

Part of us deciding on going to this resort was that we wouldn't buy each other gifts. Our time at this resort was our gift to each other. That was my pitch to Darren to convince him to release the credit card to me. Our time together was amazing. It didn't take long to genuinely smile and laugh about things. It was so great to just have "grown up" talk and "goofiness" The day comes and goes, we enjoy a wonderful dinner and Darren then proclaims that he's got a present for me.

Me:"No presents, we agreed".
Darren:"I know I know, this is something that we both can enjoy."
Me: "Darren, please no toys. We don't need any toys. And no joking. We're not supposed to get each other gifts...we pinky promised.
Darren: "Judes, it's something that I got a couple of weeks ago."
Me: "Does it need batteries?"
Darren: "Technically no, but I know that you will enjoy it and so will I"

So I managed to avoid the gift giving hoping that Darren was just joking with me. The next morning, He confronts me with this HUGE bag. "Open it!" Darren gives me the bag and said "No arguments!"

I open up the bag and........



I burst into tears, Darren laughs at me and I say "you had me believing that you got something else"! Darren is laughing at me and says, "Wow, I didn't know that you like that sort of stuff, but hey, if you're game I'm game." So not funny Mr. Reeves! So another year comes and goes and we have another memory that I can scrapbook about, but most importantly, we were able to reconnect and finally sync up together again. That alone was priceless for us and the best gift of all.

Happy Valentine's Day!

After All These Years

With each year that passes by, I’m always amazed with how Darren hasn’t walked away from all the chaos, craziness and stress that I cause him. Darren and I have a LONG history together. Many said it would never amount to anything. A few even prayed that it wouldn’t amount to anything. Somehow, Darren and I have managed to beat the odds and we’re still together and crazy in love with each other.

Darren and I met in high school. It was the summer of his junior year and my senior year. (Just for the record, yes I’m older than him by ONLY 24 days) My best friend had this “rocky” relationship with this creep. She always had to give me all the gory details and play by play on what they did together and what horrible things he said to her. When they “broke up” I was the one to talk her into giving it another try. With each “break up” they had, I started to dislike this guy more and more. When I finally met this creep of a boyfriend of hers, it was the summer of '84. Let's just say that I wasn’t too impressed with him. In fact, this guy named “Darren” and I exchanged a few choice words at each other and it was pretty clear that his feelings for me were the same. We did NOT care for one another. Regardless, I tolerated this guy because it appeared that, for whatever god forsaken reason, my best friend “loved him”. *gag*. As far as I was concerned, he was a jerk and continuously broke up with my best friend. I thought was an arrogant cowboy who thought he was too cool to deal with his girl friend's best friend and thought of me as a third wheel.. and a bitch as well.

The last fight between my best friend and "The Creep" was actually different. This time, my best friend refused to talk to me about what happened and said that she never wanted to get back together with Darren. She said that the “long distance” was an issue and she has moved on. Mind you, my best friend and I went to the same school and "The Creep" went to the rival school, but we were only 8 miles apart from each other.

Secretly I was THRILLED. I thought to myself Hot Damn! I wouldn’t have to deal with "The Creep" in her life any longer. Most importantly I wouldn't be blown off by my best friend whenever "The Creep" decided they were going out. *best friend’s heartbreak = me getting my best friend back yeah*

I’m not exactly sure how he got my phone number, but out of the blue I started getting calls from "The Creep". At first, I just ignored them. I wouldn’t answer the phone or didn’t return the calls. It wasn’t until my dad yelled that if I didn’t tell this guy to stop calling, he would. So, wanting to spare "The Creep" the wrath of my dad, I finally picked up the phone. I figured, if nothing else, I would hurl some insulting names at him for breaking up with my best friend. I had it all planned out. I was going to tell him “you suck, stop calling me, she’s moved on and doesn’t want you back and I’m NOT going to get you two back together again. Thanks for playing, bye!” Instead, before I could say anything, Darren says “I really need to talk to you.”

Me: *in a real sarcastic and hostile tone* “What!? Talk about what? About what you did to my best friend? What in the hell do you need to talk to me about?”

This time, "The Creep" explained to me that it wasn’t him that broke it off, it was my best friend and that he’s tired of the rollercoaster relationship that they’ve been on for the last few months. Then he drops the Hiroshima of bombs on me.

Darren: “Judy, I was kind of thinking that maybe you and I could go out…just to talk.”
Me: “What?! Are you crazy? No, I won’t go out with you.
Darren: “Why, I’m not that bad of a guy and I promise I’m up to date on all my shots.”
Me: “No way. You’re my best friend’s boyfriend...”
Darren: “EX boyfriend”
Me: “Like I said, you’re my best friend’s boyfriend, be it present or past. I can’t go out with you. It's against the code.”

For the next month, and I’m not exaggerating, Darren called me every night. Our conversations started to last longer, and eventually got civilized at some point. Every night the call ended with the same discussion. “C’mon Judes, just meet me somewhere. It’s not a date if we meet somewhere and we each pay for our own way.” I finally broke down and met him at Braum’s. That was in the fall of 1984. By 1/1/85, we were a couple.

I lost my best friend and of course my reputation during my senior year tanked because I did the unthinkable. By the time the rumor got back to me I apparently “stole” my best friend’s boyfriend and I bragged about how good he was in the sack. WHATEVER! Just for the record, I was a “good girl” and never did anything like that….at least not while I was in high school.

It didn’t matter to me though. As Darren and I dated, I realized that he wasn’t the arrogant cowboy or the tyrant that he was made out to be by my former best friend. In fact, Darren was hilarious. He always made me laugh and was able to somehow get me to let my guard down with him. He was thoughtful and sweet. He would take me to see the “chick flicks” and never complain about the movie, only the prices that he had to pay for it. He would always look out for me and make sure that I was happy and I enjoyed my time with him. He gave me goose bumps and butterflies when I saw him. Whatever I wanted to do, he was cool with. He was (and still is) a gentleman. He became my best friend. He was (and still is) a little frugal, but THAT is another blog in itself.

Twenty four years later, Darren and I are still “dating”. He still makes me laugh, he still gives me goose bumps and butterflies…and most importantly, he’s still my best friend. On 1/1/85 we shared our first “real” kiss as a couple. On 2/12/94 we shared our first “real” kiss as man and wife. He’s the best thing that has ever happened in my life and I'm so grateful that he's put up with my drama and makes me laugh about it. He is the cheese to my macaroni. Happy Anniversary D. I love you!

Pickles

Back in November 08, my HR Director had this brilliant idea of gathering all of the HRG’s and HR Specialists in the DFW area and centralize us all in one building, one floor, ONE ROOM. Sounds great in theory, but not so great for those of us that deal with a lot of confidential crap, like investigations, employees bitching, compensation issues ect. Not to mention all of the conference calls that we’re on to determine who will get laid off and who won’t.

In my humble opinion, all HRG’s should have offices, however, no one asked for my opinion so I’ll eventually get over that pain with the help of appletini’s and from my therapist. Moving us all together caused a major train wreck within our department. All of the HRG’s, including myself, were bitter about having to move from our nice big offices with windows to this tiny 7 x 7 cubicle. All of the HR specialists were pissed because they couldn’t avoid our calls any longer when we needed them to fix payroll issues.

I guess it’s not as bad for me as it is for others. At least now I have to support groups in different office buildings and the business leaders in those groups INSISTED that HR have an office, so of the 3 businesses I support, I’ve got a nice big office at 2 different buildings. So what do I have to bitch about? Well, my boss lady INSISTS that I spend at least one day in the office being subjected to the chaos and madness there. In addition, if needed, I will need to ensure that my schedule is flexible in which I can attend functional meetings there in person and still maintain the “peer relationships” that are crucial to being successful. WHATEVER! So, I’ve managed to convince my manager that I will spend a TOTAL of one day there. Even though it’s only for ½ a day on two different days, that’s a hell of a lot better then having to be there an entire day. Usually once you get sucked into the drama of that office and you can’t escape from it and often that’s the case for me.

As you might already know, I’m an only child and I’m rather picky about things. Just ask Darren and my therapist. I don’t share well and I don’t like people invading my space. (Unless I know you and than it’s ok) When we moved into our new “cubes” I was escorted to my new home and introduced to my cube mate “Deonica”. The admin explained that Deonica was working in HR on a contract basis to assist the specialists with a project. WHATEVER! I’m not the most social person, especially if I don’t know you at all, so I go about my business and start figuring out how I’m going to stuff 8 crates of files, information, and training manuals that I’ve accumulated for 5 years in my 2 dinky file drawers. Little did I realize Deonica had “issues”. She liked to talk on her cell phone… a lot. She liked to talk on her desk phone. . . A lot. She liked to visit with her other contractor friends… a lot. She liked to bring snacks to work . . . A LOT. She had a fondness of pickles in particular. Now, pickles don’t necessary offend me, however, please note that smelling pickles ALL DAY will get on my nerves. This, in combination of her taking off her shoes in the late afternoon gave me some angst! Every time I came into the department, it REAKED of pickles and stinky feet. Now, I’m thinking ok, she’s pregnant, give her a break. But there comes a time, whether someone is pregnant or not, you draw the line. I got tired of listening to Deonica A.K.A. “Pickles” discussing with her pals whether “Luscious” would be a good name for her baby. I didn’t particularly care for her conversation about how her project apartment was much better then her baby’s daddy’s project apartment. I didn’t enjoy her yelling at the other person she was speaking to on her phone why there was only “.38 cents left in her bank account.” I could go on and on, and I did on Twitter. But eventually, not only did my patience wear thin; patience with her wore thin with everyone else in the department as well.

It wasn’t until I came back to my office after being away for a few days and find my desk in shambles, everything rearranged, and a spilled coke all over my desk thus ruining my pictures of my beloved tater tot’s did I declared war! Common cube courtesy is NOT to assume that my stuff is your stuff, and that my space is there for you to rearrange, mess up and ruin someone else’s belongings…ESPECIALLY MINE!

I was pissed beyond belief and she just sat there acting like I was being rude for expressing my opinion of the rude people who sat at my desk and didn’t have the courtesy to leave it as they found it! So after cleaning up my desk because her rude pals decided to party on it, I noticed that she had her radio on a rap station. Hmmmm. So, I break out the iPod and I find some Barry Manilow and play it loudly on my iPod speakers. I continue with the audio assaults with some Neil Diamond and Olivia Newton-John as well. Soon the department formed and alliance and most everyone was in on it. The HRG that sat around the corner came up to me and said “I’m gonna top your audio assault. Watch this.” Pickles was away from her desk and my alliance partner places an air freshener right next to her open pickle jar! Others started jumping in with candles and air freshener sprays. I could tell we were getting to her because she would start leaving for “breaks” and lunches. Finally one day, Pickles stop showing up. Found out later that baby “Luscious” arrived and she was out. HOOOOORAAAAAY! It took two weeks just to air out the department and get it smelling normal again.

It wasn’t until Wednesday, that I realize how fast 6 weeks go by. I walk into the department. *sniff sniff* What’s that smell? Oh shit, Pickles! I start thinking to myself that I’m not gonna get through this day without some major doses of “fuckitall” today. Maybe this is just a bad acid trip or I’m having a nightmare. I’m slowly walking down the aisle towards my cube and out comes my former alliance partner. “Oh HELL no. She is NOT gonna sit by us!” she whispers. I whisper back “Who in the HELL asked her to come back? I thought she was a contractor and went off to have her baby?” Alliance partner responds with “Oh shit, damn it, no way. She’s not gonna be my specialist” I whisper back, “well I sure as hell don’t want her much less share a cube with the bitch!” I slowly continue my walk down the aisle and there she is and there are those fucking pickles. So here’s the conversation:

Pickles: “Hey Girlfriend!”
Me: “ummmm, hi”
Pickles: betcha thought you’d neva git to see me no mo huh?
Me: “ummmm, yea. I thought you left to have your baby. I think the project that you were working is complete now.”
Pickles: “sho is girlfriend, now they got me working on another project. Can you believe that shit?”
Me: “ummmm, no, I can’t”

So, pickles is back in my life, making everything stink like pickles and stinky feet and I’m having to deal with all the annoying things that pickles dishes out. I’m grateful I only have to see her once or twice a week. I'm not looking forward to going into the office tomorrow for fear of what's been done to/on my desk and the smell of pickles. I pray that I won't get stuck there for the entire day and I pray that her project gets completed quickly. I’m not sure how long I can hold my mouth shut and say something extremely inappropriate. Wish me luck, I’m gonna need it.

My hands are up and know change is on the way!

Pulling Rank

If you follow me on Twitter, then you probably already know I vent. I vent A LOT. If I were to tell you that my employer turns perfectly well adjusted people into mean spirited, bitter people, I don't think many people would disagree with me. This workplace will eat you up alive, then spit you out. If you don't keep up with all changes in practices, philosophies or policies of the moment, you're doomed. I can handle change well. It's when people try to manipulate the changes to suit their own managerial needs that I have issues with them.

Right now we're going through our Non-Exempt performance reviews. About 75% of the workforce that I support fall in this category. For the most part, managers value HR opinions and suggestions. Hell, I've got some managers that refuse to make any decision unless they consult the "HR Wizard behind the curtain".

Today I was stuck in conference call hell. I swear I was going through the Ground Hog day movie experience and kept reliving the same situations and conversations with each conference call I got on. Well, by the last call today, I had reached my limit of me preaching "Management should be conservative and make sure we meet our ranking percentage distribution model."

That's where Carlos comes into play. Carlos is one of my Unit Managers. He's your traditional short Mexican with the "don't tell me what to do because I know it all" kind of guy. I can say this because I am Mexican! Anyway, Carlos picked the wrong day to start in with me. Carlos has a tendency to challenge anything that he doesn't support. This is good, but now a days at my company, it's not the attitude to have.

So the conversation on the conference call goes like this:

Carlos: I'm not buying into why we need to be conservative and meet ranking percentages as HR says.

DEAD SILENCE

Me: Excuse me, Carlos, I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you correctly, can you please repeat that?

Carlos: I said Ms. Reeves....

Operations Manager cuts him off - this is Carlos' boss: Carlos, I don't think Judy is here to tell us what to do, she's here to help guide us and clarify what is supposed to be considered when we're reviewing and evaluating staff rankings. She's not....

Carlos: cutting off his boss: Yea, well I know and have had my experiences with HR and I know my staff better than Ms Reeves ever will, so she should have no say or recommendation as to my staff rankings.

AGAIN, DEAD SILENCE.

Me: So Carlos, just so that I'm clear as to what you are saying, because you are far more Superior than anyone in HR could ever aspire to be, you will not listen to any input or suggestions that I might have for you. Is that correct?

Carlos: Yes, now If I may . . .

Me: No Carlos, you may not!

Carlos continues to talk over me and basically tells the group that his staff ratings will not be changing no matter what anyone else says. He continues on by saying that he will not sacrifice any of his ratings because his team is nothing but winners and a reflection of him.

OM: So Carlos, please enlighten us on your ratings and to why they are on a higher pedestal than the rest of their peers.

Carlos: Basically it's like this, I have worked hard with each member of my team so that they are all performing on an exceptional level of competency.

Me: Really? You really think that no one on your staff has an attendance problem? You truly believe no one on your team has ever had a single quality error for the entire year. You're telling me that you have never been in my office wanting to fire someone because they just weren't working out?

Carlos: Ms. Reeves. Please stick with your HR knowledge when asked for it. I'm presenting facts, not the fantasy utopia of HR.

This is where I completely loose it!!!!

Me: Tell you what Carlos I appreciate you clearly stating your moronic statement in front of your manager and your peers and I can assure you that I will take your concern and opinion of HR to your Director to discuss this matter further with him.

OM: Carlos, I don't think you want to alienate our HR partner in this. She's been very insightful and I insist that you at least do her the courtesy of hearing her out.

Carlos: My ratings speak for themselves. I will not be changing any of them.

Carlos proceeded to challenge me on each and every staff rating I questioned. I gave his absenteeism ratings, I gave them previous assessment ratings and I even let him know that his perfect team members have come to me expressing their concern of his management practices and favoritism. Carlos, would not budge.

Finally I had to go there.

Me: Look Carlos, if you really want to play this game, we will. You are being disrespectful, insubordinate and resistant to everything I have to say. You need not listen to me, but at the end of the day, your ratings are submitted to me and guess what, they're changing! They're changing to what falls with in guidelines and ultimately, I will determine what the appropriate ratings will be.

Carlos: You can't do that!

OM: Watch her Carlos. She can, she will and she has both the Director's and my full support in this matter!

What an asshole Carlos made himself out to be. I hate having to pull the rank on people. It's just not my style. In fact, this is the first time I actually pulled rank on anyone so I'm quite proud of myself for doing it. I'm just pissed that I let some jerk get to me to a point where I stooped as low as he did and fought back. Oh well. I got the final say in it.

So Carlos, stick that in your juice box and suck it. Suck it hard Trebec! You're next on my hit list in finding a reason to fire you!